You’ve heard it said that we should let go of the past. You’ve also heard that some things are easier said than done. Letting go of the past and moving forward certainly fits under the category of “easier said than done”.
William Faulkner said, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” Without getting into a literary discussion of what Faulkner meant, my reference to the quote is to acknowledge that our past has certainly influenced who we are in the present and will most likely continue to shape our future. However, if we recognize its impact, we are in a better position to either use your past or let it go for an even more positive life from this point forward.
While there may indeed be things in your past that may have limited you in many ways, let’s focus on the most recent past, specifically most of the current year.
What has been the impact on your life of the lockdowns, social distancing, and worldwide chaos? How have you responded?
Common responses in times of extreme stress are to “flow, flee or fight”.
People who flow may be simply trying to weather the storms of life. They accept what is and wait for what is to come. They may feel they have little control to make decisions that impact their lives in positive ways. Just getting through each day is as much as they can handle.
People who flee may be denying the reality of the situation by responding as if they can continue life as it was before the changes thrust upon them. In this case, they may ignore the warnings about COVID-19 and continue to live their lives as if those dangers do not exist.
Then, there are the fighters. Those people acknowledge the dangers and arm themselves with knowledge and the means to manage their lives, even if there are many things out of their control. They embrace frequent hand washing, social distancing, and wearing masks in social situations as their best chances to survive and thrive in the current situation.
Which one are you – are you flowing, fleeing, or fighting? Which do you want to do?
Whatever your response to these questions, it’s more important to know how to do it. Most people will eventually come to grips with why they should do it. They get stuck on actually taking steps to make it happen.
Give yourself permission to let go of the past. That is an important step. And it’s probably a step you may have to repeat many times. Just telling yourself to let go may not be enough. Reflect on the parts of your past that will give you strength and recognize how negative past experiences can also contribute to your inner strength. Learn from your past experiences.
Take time to reflect upon how you want to live your life going forward. This involves coming to conclusions about what is working for you now and what is not and making decisions about how you want your life to be in the future.
Don’t hide from your past. People try to pretend certain aspects of their past did not happen, especially the more embarrassing moments. However, this may cause them to come back to you with a vengeance since they are bottling up within you. Acknowledge everything about your past but commit to pushing forward. Continuing to flee from your past is not the answer. Author James Baldwin wrote that “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
Keep a journal of your experiences. Simply recording your thoughts may help you see new and better ways of responding to life challenges.
Finally, where do you want to go from here? If your answer is to go back to the way things were, you may find yourself stuck and unable to do anything but flow with what happens to you. The pandemic changes everything. But how you change is up to you.
If you’re still unsure of what you can do to move your life forward, perhaps you would benefit from my mini-course Designing Your New Normal Mindset. Click here to see if this may be a good starting point for you. There has never been a better time to reflect on your current situation by letting go of the past and taking charge of your future.